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Author Archive | Conor McCarthy

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Review: Jason Mraz Makes Nickelback Sound Good

Have you ever taken a dump that the toilet just couldn’t seem to choke down? I feel like that toilet when I’m forced to listen to Jason Mraz’s scattin’, be-boppin’, skiddlywink warbling. I could be anywhere–walking down the street, in my grandmother’s car, at the TJMaxx– when my ears are suddenly spewed upon. It’s funny […]

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A Public Transportation Etiquette Primer

Americans don’t like community. In fact, given the opportunity, they’ll destroy it quicker than Nancy Pelosi can change her wig (cf. Wal-Mart, Mega-churches, the Reservation system, etc).  It stands to reason then, that ever since ole Dwight D. “Greatest Generation” Eisenhower cut the ribbon on the National System of Interstate and Defense Highways, the automobile […]

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Mall Santas: An Exposé

Christmas comes but once a year, now it’s here, now it’s here. Christmas comes but once a year, tra la la la la. The arrival of the holiday season brings with it that most venerable of American institutions– the mall Santa Claus. After enjoying decades of favorable public opinion, the mall Santa Claus has recently […]

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Ugg Boots: The Epilogue, Part Two

Written by Zac Chastain But deep in the darkness, the hateful heart beats on. The beast was wounded, but still its veins coursed with ink-black blood. While we sat licking ice cream cones and riding merri-go-rounds through the summer months, fattening ourselves on a deluded sense of safety, the monster regained itself. Pound for pound, […]

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Ugg Boots: The Epilogue, Part Four

Written by Zac Chastain For those of you unfortunate enough to have missed out on the earlier parts of the story and too damn lazy to read them, a summary: Basically our two cleverly named heroes Zac and Conor thought they had defeated Ugg Boots once and for all, and then them bitches came back […]

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Loosening the Buttons of Literature

I don’t think that people these days really appreciate the poets of our time. Our modern Shakespeares are left unnoticed and unappreciated, the profundity and meaning of their writing tossed into the gutters of our minds as worthless and forgettable. Well I’m here to sing a different song; a song of triumph, a song of […]

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