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public-transportation

A Public Transportation Etiquette Primer

Americans don’t like community. In fact, given the opportunity, they’ll destroy it quicker than Nancy Pelosi can change her wig (cf. Wal-Mart, Mega-churches, the Reservation system, etc).  It stands to reason then, that ever since ole Dwight D. “Greatest Generation” Eisenhower cut the ribbon on the National System of Interstate and Defense Highways, the automobile […]

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Mall Santas: An Exposé

Christmas comes but once a year, now it’s here, now it’s here. Christmas comes but once a year, tra la la la la. The arrival of the holiday season brings with it that most venerable of American institutions– the mall Santa Claus. After enjoying decades of favorable public opinion, the mall Santa Claus has recently […]

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ugg-boots-book

Ugg Boots: The Epilogue, Part Two

Written by Zac Chastain But deep in the darkness, the hateful heart beats on. The beast was wounded, but still its veins coursed with ink-black blood. While we sat licking ice cream cones and riding merri-go-rounds through the summer months, fattening ourselves on a deluded sense of safety, the monster regained itself. Pound for pound, […]

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fake-uggs

Ugg Boots: The Epilogue, Part Four

Written by Zac Chastain For those of you unfortunate enough to have missed out on the earlier parts of the story and too damn lazy to read them, a summary: Basically our two cleverly named heroes Zac and Conor thought they had defeated Ugg Boots once and for all, and then them bitches came back […]

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jonas-brothers

If I wrote an article but no one was there to read it, would it still be incredibly witty, and insightful?

We are all well acquainted with the age old query regarding the sound displacement of the proverbial felled tree in the forest that is lacking in witnesses. While Kant and the lumberjacks could doubtless talk for days about the empirical and epistemological implications of this hypothetical event, I am interested in it for reasons beyond […]

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