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Dear LOST, I’m Breaking up with You

Dearest LOST,

So… Hi. It’s uh… It’s good to see you again. You’ve been coming around more lately, which has been nice, I guess. You were gone for so long and you left me with a lot of questions after our fourth year together… I just, I didn’t know what to think. You just left.  And now you’re back. I must say it’s timely, what with Valentine’s Day coming up and all. You’re always trying to make a save at the last second. And it’s flattering to know that you still care… But unfortunately LOST, it’s too little too late. Please, don’t speak. Let me say what I need to say. I need to get this out.

We’ve been together a long time, LOST.  It’s hard to believe, isn’t it? Remember when we first met? Hahaha… Oh, that was pretty turbulent. But there was a mystery there that just pulled us together. The mix of chaos and enigma just… It was like some kind of magnetism. Turns out that magnetism would come up as a serious problem later in our relationship, but I’ll get to that later. I spent a lot of time with you…Hours on end, sitting on the edge of my seat as I waited to see what you would do next. I gotta say, LOST, you were quite the adventure there at the beginning, and I was committed for the long haul.

Or so I thought.

Being with you has definitely been a roller coaster ride. Not one of those smooth, technologically advanced metal roller coasters, though. More like one of those old, this-might-break-and-kind-of-hurts, rickety wooden ones that shake you around and send you to a chiropractor. There were some ups, for sure. I’m not going to say it was all discontent. You and I would go out and, boy, would it start out good. I’d feel hopeful, excited, fulfilled… There were so many possibilities! I felt like ANYTHING could happen… but then by the end of the night you’d just leave me guessing again. I didn’t even know how you felt about me. And every time you’d say goodbye, it was always so abrupt. One minute you’re there – the next I’m alone with some eerie sound ringing in my brain, as if Alfred Hitchcock was making the soundtrack to my life.

The problem wasn’t that your lack of consistency or that you were too wild; I like adventure, I like to mix things up. It’s just that you know, LOST, you just never would give me an inch of leeway. There were so many questions and so few answers. Just when I thought “This week… This week will be different. This week LOST will explain a few things to me,” you’d just give me more crazy, ridiculous things to wrap my mind around. There was never any respite. For instance: What’s with that black cloud that you mention some times? Are you a smoker? What the hell? And where did that damn polar bear come from? Did you come from a traveling circus family? I just don’t get it.

You know what? Everyone tells me that I should be strong and stand up to you and… And I’m going to. It’s now or never. I’ve stuck around and waited for you to come through for me, but I’m not doing it anymore. I don’t care if you have a stupid plan where everything works out in the end. It’s not worth the pain of the journey, LOST. You’re a LIAR. See that? Two four letter words that both begin with L. Coincidence? NOPE. Another four letter word. How about THAT?! I don’t think you know what the HELL you’re talking about LOST. I think you’ve been pulling all these stories out of your BUTT and just hoping against hope that I’ll buy your “grand scheme of things” bit. And don’t try to tell me that all these four letter words don’t have any significance. You of all people have no place to speak about riddles and the meaning of completely random, nonsensical things. You’ve been manipulating me for years with all kinds of metaphysical, other-worldly crap. Those stupid numbers? And a time warp? Some kind of crazy magnet that is both really magnetic and like, magnetic for certain people? What? No more, LOST. NO MORE. You can keep on living in your insane fantasy world. That’s fine. It’ll just be without me. I don’t care anymore. I’ve had enough. You pushed me too hard, and now I’m living on a new island called APATHY.

So this is it. This is goodbye. And you should know, there’s someone else. Nowhere near as complicated as you and way more straight forward. Almost superficial, but totally in a good way that’s still “deep” somehow. You wouldn’t understand. Anyway, I’m off to spend some quality time with someone that knows how to communicate.

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Goodbye.

LOST photo courtesy of and copyright ABC. Ghost Whisperer photo courtesy of and copyright CBS. Please, sue Kent and not me.

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