Pet Peeves for the Common Man: How the Occupy Movement has Failed
How the Occupy Movement has Failed Surely we have all watched with curiosity as "Occupy" protests have erupted around the globe, even in futile places like my scenic home town of McAllen, TX. This fervent movement spread like wildfire all over the world in a...
Mark Driscoll’s Man Quiz
So you’re a guy that wants to be a new member of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, the home of Mark “The Muscles” Driscoll? We’ve got a few questions for you before we get to our theological assessment. These questions have been written by our very own Mark “The Monster”...
What’s in a Name? A Lesson in Church-Name Hermeneutics
A Note From the Authors: All of these churches are real. You can view their websites (most of which are pretty sweet) by clicking the church’s name. The sole purpose of this article is to mock some recently planted churches who, for whatever reason, have chosen some...
Courtside Scenes With Orlando Magic Coach, Stan Van Gundy
“I like that title, by the way. George Bush, you know, is the decider. I can be the decider in Orlando.” -Stan Van Gundy “I thought it was funny they can’t wear any of the jewelry and stuff like that. That’s stricter than the dress code in a lot of office buildings.”...
Guest Editorial: Mellencamp Has Sealed the Election
Americans have quietly shivered through the last 21 months of election coverage waiting on a voice of reason and without compromise, a voice that speaks to the issues of small town America, a beer-swilling-hot-dog-munching voice of the Masses, a voice for the Workin’...
Review: Jason Mraz Makes Nickelback Sound Good
Have you ever taken a dump that the toilet just couldn’t seem to choke down? I feel like that toilet when I’m forced to listen to Jason Mraz’s scattin’, be-boppin’, skiddlywink warbling. I could be anywhere–walking down the street, in my grandmother’s car, at the...
A Public Transportation Etiquette Primer
Americans don’t like community. In fact, given the opportunity, they’ll destroy it quicker than Nancy Pelosi can change her wig (cf. Wal-Mart, Mega-churches, the Reservation system, etc). It stands to reason then, that ever since ole Dwight D. “Greatest Generation”...
Mall Santas: An Exposé
Christmas comes but once a year, now it’s here, now it’s here. Christmas comes but once a year, tra la la la la. The arrival of the holiday season brings with it that most venerable of American institutions– the mall Santa Claus. After enjoying decades of favorable...
Ugg Boots: The Epilogue, Part Two
Written by Zac Chastain But deep in the darkness, the hateful heart beats on. The beast was wounded, but still its veins coursed with ink-black blood. While we sat licking ice cream cones and riding merri-go-rounds through the summer months, fattening ourselves on a...
Ugg Boots: The Epilogue, Part Four
Written by Zac Chastain For those of you unfortunate enough to have missed out on the earlier parts of the story and too damn lazy to read them, a summary: Basically our two cleverly named heroes Zac and Conor thought they had defeated Ugg Boots once and for all, and...
25 Random Facts — Hillary Rodham Clinton — I wanna talk about me!
Written by Zac Chastain Wanna talk about I Wanna talk about number one Oh my me my Haha love that song. SO, 25 things about me. Love it bitchezzzzz: 1. When I was in seventh grade, a few friends and I were on a girl scout’s camping trip in the Adirondacks. I had a .22...
Unseen Footage from Series Finale of Les Stroud’s ‘Survivorman’
Written by Zac Chastain [CAMERA directly front of Les. Time: 6:30PM] So. It’s day six. Only one more night until I’m finished with Papua New Guinea, and with the Survivorman project as a whole. I haven’t had a meal in five days and the creek water has given me...