Swing This: A Word on Undecided Voters
Thus far, this site has made an effort to entirely ignore the interminable popularity contest that is the 2008 Presidential Election. Part of this is out of deference to our thousands (millions?) of international readers who have little interest in democracy. Part of...
An Imagined Speech to the Couple Snuggling in the Pew Two Rows Up
(whispered) Excuse me. Hi. How are ya? Uh, this is a little awkward for me, and uh…well, I really hate to interrupt you two during the sermon like this and all, but…umm…you see, the thing is, I’m sitting two rows behind you and your little fondle-fest up here has...
Short Term Missionaries Convert Entire Village
In addition to Nike, Coke, and George Bush the impoverished residents of Los Lopez, Nicaragua, can add “Oak Springs Baptist Church” to the list of English words that they know. The reason? Short term missions. A team of twelve high school students from the suburban...
Harmless Hobby or Predatory Pastime: A word on “People Watching”
Look at her sitting there, just popping her Bubblicious Gum (probably pink lemonade flavor, her favorite and mine), coyly twirling her fingers through her hair, while she waits to board her flight to Omaha. No wedding band. About my age. Definitely within the...
School Boards Vote to Allow Thespian Dating
On the heels of the California Supreme Court’s controversial decision to allow gay couples get hotel rooms together, public school boards across the country have followed suit by lifting the longstanding dating restriction imposed on another justifiably marginalized...
Technical Foul: A Word on Sports Analogies in the Workplace
As of last Saturday, I have completed four months of my brief fact-finding mission into what is commonly referred to as “a real job.” To say my findings have been “unsettling” would be a considerable disservice to those who suffer stoically beneath the fluorescent...
Congregation demands timetable for withdrawal from missionary
OMAHA, NB (AP) – The congregants of Westside Presbyterian Church have had enough. For the past four years they have faithfully supported Operation Mobilization missionary Jack Powell in his mission to the Middle East, and for the past four years they have stood by him...
Review: Wendy’s is the best food I have ever tasted and I never want to eat anywhere else
By Will Grazer – TTM Food Critic Dude, drive faster, drive faster! There it is! Don’t miss the turn!! OH YEAH!!!!!!! I FREAKING LOVE WEDNESDAYS!!! Right. Wendy’s. What’d I say? Oh. Well, all I’m sayin is…Wait…wait…hold on a sec, I wanna, I wanna say something……wait…is...
Satan: Yeah I Voted for Obama, Didn’t You?
Bonjour, Konnichiwa, and Hakuna Matata. I trust you all are feeling sufficiently miserable during this preposterous holiday season. I mean, for the love of David Koresh, what is all this day of thanks nonsense about anyway? Seriously, do you people really have that...
5.62: A word on scientific standards of sex-appeal
Like most guys out there, I consider it my God-given duty as a man to bring some objectivity to the world of physical attraction and sex-appeal. If you ask the average male (i.e. me), he’ll tell you there are far too many emotional, inexact terms like “cute,”...
It’s Always Darkest Before the Dawn: A Word on Cliches
John F. Kennedy did a lot of terrible things in his short presidency. Marilyn Monroe being one of them, sending the country on a futile, multi-billion dollar goose chase to outer space being another. Yet of all the things I am pissed at him for, one stands...
I Am Shopper, Hear Me Bitch
In several previous posts, I have made reference to my work as a low-level manager at a fashion-forward yet reasonably priced mass retailer. While a great deal of my life now revolves around work, I have tried not to make it a focus of my writing. This is partly...