CHARLESTON (AP) – Local 3rd grade teacher and 2007 college graduate Chad Thompson was quite literally speechless last weekend when he came to the shocking realization that he had exhausted his store of collegiate anecdotes.
Witnesses report that Thompson had just finished regaling the gathered crowd at Fellowship Baptist’s 4th Annual Singles BBQ with an engaging tale of a dorm prank involving his roommate, some traffic flares, and a bath tub full of grape Jello, when a look of utter helplessness overtook his face. Friends watched as Thompson shuffled over to the grill and spent the rest of the evening quietly downing jumbo franks and Dr. Thunders.
It was not until days later that Thompson finally broke the news to those close to him. Apartment mate Jack Wells expressed sadness, but not surprise. “He’s been slipping lately. I’ve heard a few repeats over the past several months, and he’s even started telling other people’s stories as his own. This is a day we’ll all have to face, but it doesn’t make it any easier. He still has so many years ahead of him.”
In an emailed statement to The Talking Mirror, Thompson expressed regret that he had somehow only managed to compile two years worth of stories during his five undergrad years at The University of West Virginia. “My kids are going to think I’m a complete lame-o,” said Thompson. “But, then again, without any charming tales of youthful antics, I’ll probably never be able to convince a woman to join me in holy matrimony. So maybe the kids won’t be a problem.”
Thompson blames his high school girlfriend, Sudoku, and Japanese anime for his shortage of sufficiently amusing anecdotes.