Review – I saw “24: Ex Nihilo” and it was good

According to a Fox Network spokesman, the most patriotic network has recently completed work on a spin off of the popular action drama, 24. In an effort to gain an even stronger hold on the conservative evangelical demographic, the official network for the Republican Party set out to create a series that affirmed a literal creation in six 24 hour days.

The show, produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and Dr. James Dobson, is entitled 24: Ex Nihilo and stars Keifer Sutherland as Jack Bauer, the only begotten nephew of God. The show, slated for six seasons, will tell the story of Jack Bauer thwarting attempts by various parties to destroy creation.

“Seasons one through three are admittedly a little slow,” said Dobson. “But when more characters are introduced and the earth begins to take shape, the show really takes off. Personally, I can’t wait for season six, which will replace CTU with DNA, imago dei style! Sure there’s gratuitous nudity in every episode, but this is Biblical nudity and I think it’s important for parents to see it with their children.”

Dobson also gave this reporter a special sneak peak of the series in exchange for some leads on possible cartoon homosexuals. I determined that the best way to review this show was to list some of the key events from one day. I chose day five. Consider this your spoiler alert.

6:12:34 a.m.: God creates the white pine tree. Good for Him!
1:39:21 p.m.: Jack Bauer uncovers the demonic plot to destroy moss, thereby leaving creation incomplete.
2:30-5:30 p.m.: Using his Glock, Jack hunts the North American elk to near extinction before the newly created rain forces him back inside. Creation is temporarily behind schedule while God replenishes the elk population.
6:00:00 p.m.: Jack and God have some dinner.
10:43:21 p.m.: Jack has a run-in with a belligerent, talking snake near present day Baghdad. After giving the snake a stern dressing down, Jack washes its mouth out with soap and lets it go.

Without giving too much away, I’d like to leave a few other hints: Chinese government, Eva Longoria as Eve, a walrus with a lisp for comic relief, an assassination attempt on Adam (played by Adam Brody), and much more. In the opinion of this critic, missing this show would be worse than original sin. Seriously, Paradise Found with this series. Fox has done it again and I can say with absolutely no reservation, “it is good!”

-Written by Adam Snyder and reprinted with permission from a previous publication.  Please direct all complaints/accusations of blasphemy to The Talking Mirror’s corporate offices.

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