Ah, FoxNews. I’m a conservative. I really am. And an evangelical. You’d think I’d have Glenn Beck on my TiVo, a bookshelf filled with volumes with O’Reilly on their spines, and “No F’ing Spin Zone” on my bumper. You’d be wrong, my friends.
It’s not because I wholeheartedly hate or vehemently disagree with everything FN does. On the contrary, their coverage of the ACORN debacle was significantly more comprehensive than any of the other networks commonly labeled as “liberal.” A government funded agency is advising people how to start a brothel, do it under the government’s radar, and maybe even get it funded by the government? And they’re doing it on tape? In multiple cities? How the hell is that a partisan issue? Kudos to FN for blowing the lid off of that one.
Then there are front page headlines like this one. Thanks to Kent for sending me this screenshot he took from his work computer.
Dammit, FN. Just dammit. This is why people think we’re dumb. It’s an article about how the USDA has confirmed that a pig has swineflu. That’s a front page headline on their website. How stupid this is, let me count the ways.
One one-thousand: Sensationalism, top to bottom. Sort of like my body, but my body isn’t offensive and it doesn’t mislead people. I read FoxNews.com and CNN.com every day, one right after the other. CNN never has this kind of headline. If they do, they at least try to hide it with a normal font or just a link to an article, not a picture of a pig with an ominous, retarded word-play headline over it staring at us like it’s made of apocalypse bacon. This is the same “fear” tactic that gets us to watch Tila Tequila. After all, if she’s in my TV, then she’s not in my apartment sneezing gonorrhea all over me, and that makes me feel safer.
Two one-thousand: Did anyone read this headline before they ran it? A pig gets swineflu? SWINE flu. That’s a flu, but originally made for swine. It’s a front page headline when a disease does what it originally set out to do? No one in the office said “hey man, doesn’t that sort of sound like the thing that Barbi down at The Boobi Barn might say shortly before I tell her that I’m not paying her to talk?”
Three one-thousand: Less credibility than Rod Blagojevich. That screenshot literally looks like a joke. That’s right, America, crap your pants! You thought people getting the pig disease was bad, well just wait until the hospitals are lined with uncooked hams wanting to get vaccinated! You’ll see! Jesus is right around the corner!
The ultimate irony is that on the same page there is an article about how the White House is attacking FoxNews… for a lack of credibility.
You’re doing the work for them, FN.
And for me, really. So thanks for that. Still though, shape up. News media has become toilet paper.
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