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School Boards Vote to Allow Thespian Dating

On the heels of the California Supreme Court’s controversial decision to allow gay couples get hotel rooms together, public school boards across the country have followed suit by lifting the longstanding dating restriction imposed on another justifiably marginalized sect of society, thespians. Thespian couples have long been kept apart by tyrannical, socially-adjusted administrators who feared […]

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Congregation demands timetable for withdrawal from missionary

OMAHA, NB (AP) – The congregants of Westside Presbyterian Church have had enough. For the past four years they have faithfully supported Operation Mobilization missionary Jack Powell in his mission to the Middle East, and for the past four years they have stood by him through botched church plants, poorly punctuated Bible translations, and aimlessly […]

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Review: Wendy’s is the best food I have ever tasted and I never want to eat anywhere else

By Will Grazer – TTM Food Critic Dude, drive faster, drive faster! There it is! Don’t miss the turn!! OH YEAH!!!!!!! I FREAKING LOVE WEDNESDAYS!!! Right. Wendy’s. What’d I say? Oh. Well, all I’m sayin is…Wait…wait…hold on a sec, I wanna, I wanna say something……wait…is this…….is this Taco Bell? Oh. I thought someone said chalupa. […]

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Satan: Yeah I Voted for Obama, Didn’t You?

Bonjour, Konnichiwa, and Hakuna Matata.  I trust you all are feeling sufficiently miserable during this preposterous holiday season.  I mean, for the love of David Koresh, what is all this day of thanks nonsense about anyway?  Seriously, do you people really have that much to be thankful for?  I can think of only three things: […]

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Who Needs Ice Caps?: A Word on Global Warming

As with most things not featured in the newspaper’s sports section or covered extensively on E! the Entertainment Channel, this whole Global Warming debacle perplexes me to no end.  So, it appears the earth is frantically trying to warm itself and a coalition of actors and former vice-presidents are trying desperately to stop it.  That […]

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75% Off, 100% Insane: A Word on Clearance Shopping

I have learned much in my first six months as a manager at a massive, multi-national retailer and most of it has little to do with running a retail establishment (I still know just more than nothing about that.)  A short list of the courses I have unwittingly audited could include: parent/child power struggles in […]

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