Can I talk to you for five minutes about the Friday after Thanksgiving?  Those of you who have been with TTM since our humble, semi-literate beginnings may recall that last year I was on the receiving end of this dark day in my capacity as an overwhelmed assistant manager for The Target Corporation.  Unfortunately for me, 12 months of counseling, electro-shock therapy, and recreational alcoholism (just kidding, mom) have driven all memories of that day from my mind.

As I tried to write this article, I came to the troubling realization that if I wanted to comment on the parade of poor discretion that is Black Friday I would have to drag my turkey-laden body out of bed and experience it all over again.  So that is what I did.  Like a victim of violent assault with self-destructive tendencies, I returned, on the anniversary of my assault, to the back alley where my last holiday season was bludgeoned to death with the lead pipe of low prices. This is the first time I have intentionally “researched” anything for this site, and – in light of the exasperation and exhaustion that ensued – it will likely be the last.

For those of you unfamiliar with the madness of Black Friday (i.e. anyone possessing sanity or good sense), the closest parallel in common human experience would probably be attempting to walk up a downward escalator.  While intoxicated.  At Texas Stadium.  Immediately following a Bruce Springsteen concert.  It’s an uphill battle against a sea of humanity.  Every step you take winds up on someone’s foot, child, or stack of $2.99 DVDs.  Any direction you head, you are met by a stampede of carts going the opposite way.  It’s like being a groomsmen at a wedding rehearsal.  You’re always in someone’s way.  Fortunately (and surprisingly), most everyone seems to be in fairly good spirits (again, not unlike Texas Stadium following a Springsteen show). Read the full story

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