Yes, we’re aware this article style was copied from The Onion. Yes, we’re okay with that.
Point: Sweet, this chick totally wants to make out with me.
By: Fratboy Chad
Oh yeah. It’s gonna happen. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life (except maybe my sexual orientation: All straight, all the time, baby!). This isn’t even a question, it’s science. It is scientifically impossible for an 18-45 year old female to be this close to me in a dimly lit room without making out with me. I may not know much, but I know one thing, this chick is jonesing to get her tonsils tickled.
Trust me on this one. If past experiences have taught me anything it’s this: (1) Axe Phoenix was definitely the right choice in body spray this evening and (2) we’re about t-minus thirty seconds from some good old-fashioned tongue wrestling.
How do I know this, you ask? It’s just simple math: dinner at Chili’s – anything with onions + killer Dane Cook impression + feigned interest in women’s basketball/water polo/rights – presence of roommates + movie with semi-romantic plot involving an orphan and a soul patch sporting Robin Williams = mind-blowing makeout seshy.
Works every time.
Look at little Miss Coy there, pretending to care about this stupid movie, pretending she doesn’t want a taste of this Orbit Mango Surf gum I’m chewing, pretending she doesn’t notice that our hips are now touching when they were twelve inches apart when the movie started. She’s good, but not good enough.
Her playful game might fool a hook-up rookie or a sober person, but not the Chadasaurus Rex. I’ve been around long enough to know that “no” can only mean two things: “yes” or “try harder”. It almost isn’t fair. With the Axe, the American Eagle graphic tee, the distressed jeans, and the recent bicep workout, this broad never had a chance.
Dammit Robin Williams! Say something funny so I can get my arm around her while I pretend to laugh. Man, if there’s one thing I hate, it’s washed up comedians salting my game. No matter. Even Robin Williams can’t stop what nature has set in motion. Let’s face it, this chick came here for one thing and one thing only: inter-face.
And inter-face she will have.
Counterpoint: Wow! August Rush is a Really Great Movie!
By: Sarah Elizabeth
Oh my gosh, I looove this movie! That little boy is so cute! He’s such a good little actor and he was so good in Finding Neverland. I’m super excited that we’re watching it- and I can’t believe Chad wanted to see it too. I totally missed it at the theaters, but this is even better cause it’s the 2 disc DVD where the little boy talks about learning to play the guitar.
I think the only thing that could make this better is if we were sitting in the living room and watching it on their huge HD TV instead of on his twin bed, on his Macbook. Apparently, “It’s better this way.”
Wow. Keri Russell looks so pretty in this movie, and Jonathan Rhys Meyers? Break me off a piece of that. And what ab – aww, this is the part where the little boy sings! Bless his heart! He is such a cutie. He just wants to find his parents and just plays his little guitar with all of his heart. What a sweet story. I wish we had some better speakers; it’s hard to appreciate the music when Chad and I are sharing the same pair of ear buds.
I still can’t believe he actually wanted to watch this. He told me, “Chadmeister loves him some good cinema and he knows he’s going to heart this movie.” I hope he can see okay. He keeps scooting closer every couple minutes. He probably just doesn’t have enough room. It is a pretty small bed. Also, I’m pretty sure he has Transformers sheets. But that’s neither here nor there.
Oh, the little boy is singing again! I just love this movie!!
Thanks to Libby Magliolo for contributing the Counterpoint part of this article. When she is not watching August Rush, Libby runs The Poptimist, an excellent blog covering all the coolest stuff you never knew existed
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