Begin Inner Monologue:

Mr. Jones and me… ba da dum dum dum da dum… Gawd I love this song. Is the singer Black? He could be from South America I guess… Like Puerto Rico maybe. Is that South America? Whatever, they all speak Spanish. His dreads are intense. I wish I had dreads. Man that would be so bad-A. I wonder if his dreads are what gives him that beautiful, chocolate pudding voice. Like Iron Man’s suit or something.

Man, this guy behind me is really following me close. I’d better step on my brakes to show him that I’d like for him to slow down. There you go buddy, see? Chill out. We’re all gonna get there eventually. Dang, he’s back up in my trunk again. What’s his problem? Speed limit is 45, I’m going 40! That’s plenty fast. Does he know what an accident at 40 miles per hour would do to your body? It would turn into a bloody violent mess. I guess he didn’t pay attention to those videos they showed us in driver’s ed. What was that called? Faces of death? No matter, that’s not gonna be me, bucko.

Alright, time to teach him a lesson. Just gonna ease down to 35 here to send a message to Mr. Speed Racer back there. Yeah, you noticed that didn’t you? Well I don’t respond well to tailgating. Now you see who the boss is, don’t you? Maybe next time you’ll appreciate 40 miles per hour when you have it. You don’t know what you got till it’s gone… Paved with some dice, with a foot on Marky’s cot. That’s a Counting Crows song too, right? Yeah it is. Marky’s cot… I wonder if he’s talking about Marky Mark Wahlberg. Read the full story

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