Hail to our chief.

America,

I’m disappointed with you. You got plastered-drunk on the Obama administration’s hip-flask of hope, and now you have a reality hangover.

It’s been a month… WHERE ARE YOUR FLYING HYBRID CARS?!? What have they been up to in Washington? A month long Scrabble tournament? What’s the hold up here?

This is not the bright new future you were promised when you chugged Obama’s champagne of change. You were foretold of a world free from genocide, poverty, and large words. A world where bipartisanship and children’s laughter would be the modus operandi. A world no longer bound by tyrannical right-wing policies like Monday mornings, awkward conversations, and confusing song lyrics. Together, we were to usher in a new day where butterflies would serenade us as rainbows sneezed Skittles. This was the vision you had when you snorted the opium of Obama optimism. This was what you signed up for. Read the full story

Popularity: 64% [?]

Another stoner wastes his life.

Have you guys heard about this Michael Phelps character?  Get this.  He’s a 23-year old stoner who likes playing beer pong and hitting water bongs at house parties.  Not only that, but these are state school house parties.  What a tool.  This guy is such a bum, he dropped out of college last year so he could spend more time hanging out by the pool.  Like most aimless losers, he says he’s going to go back to school someday, but we all know he won’t.

On top of that, he doesn’t seem the least bit interested in finding gainful employ.  His friends say he found some work last August, but it only lasted, like, a week.  I guess it’s hard to hold down a job when there’s all this weed that needs smokin.  I tell you, this dope fiend is the embodiment of all that is wrong with America’s youth.  Unmotivated, apathetic, and lazy.  Phelps is the standard bearer of the Slacker Generation; content to sit on his butt and spark up a fatty while the world passes him by.  It’s just so tragic to see another young person with so much potential throw it all away like this.

Oh wait. Read the full story

Popularity: 46% [?]