Zondervan and Apple Team-up to Release iGod

Christian publishing giant Zondervan (of Grand Rapids, Michigan) announced this weekend that it will be teaming with super-chic Apple Computers to release its latest translation: the iGod.  To meet the fickle demands of a growing generation of tech-driven youth group yuppies, the iGod offers a 25gig multimedia version of the holy writ complete with SwordDrills, WOW Worship IX, and a “Making The Bible” behind-the-scenes documentary.

Biblical purists and PC users alike are already decrying what they call “a desecration of the Sacred Book by the twin demons of technological advancement and aesthetic appeal.”  Apple’s CEO Steve Jobs defended the iGod by saying, “Someone told me once that you can’t put God in a box?  Well how about a state-of-the-art, multi-sensory media player that comes in four appealing colors?  Can I put him in that?”

87 year-old man feels 82 again

Area octogenarian Merle Farnsworth has a new lease on life today after an exceptionally restful mid-afternoon nap in his rocking chair by the front window.  Mr. Farnsworth dozed off halfway through a particularly riveting article in the October 1997 issue of TV Guide and awoke feeling “better than [he's] felt in at least five years.” Read the full story

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