This is not the article I wanted to write.  When I set out to write a review of MTV’s controversial new reality show Jersey Shore, I had a pretty good idea of how it was going to go.  I was going to write my standard (dare I say “trademark?”), long-winded rant which would combine obscure references, big words, and level one swears to express my deep displeasure with the show’s public displays of douchebaggery.

It seemed pretty straightforward. The show is a vocal proponent of self-ascribed nicknames, the state of New Jersey, and Italian-Americans engaging in non-mob activities. I had (and have) no interest in any of those things, and was confident in my ability to heap scorn on Jersey Whore.

But that was before I watched my first episode.

Fifteen minutes into “researching” my article, a strange thing began happening to me.  It’s the same thing that happened to John Smith in Pocahontas.  And the main character in Avatar.  And Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.  I fell in love with that which I set out to destroy. Read the full story

Popularity: 12% [?]

Saturday night in early June in Southern California, guess what I did?  If you guessed: attended an impromptu Miley Cyrus concert, rode around Sunset Boulevard in a limo, and danced in an over-sized Taco Bell that’s been converted into a night club, you would be wrong.  That was Friday night.  On Saturday, I was sitting at home watching a mini marathon of Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” and losing faith in the future of mankind.

As has been well documented on this site, I am a big fan of trash reality television (Girls Next Door and Shot at Love w/ Tila Tequila being my two favorites).  Trash reality helps us all feel better about ourselves by presenting us with “real” people who, though rich, are less intelligent than the average iPod shuffle (2nd generation or newer).  They are the cable television equivalent of laughing when an old person falls down, and heaven knows we need that kind of humor now more than ever, what with the economy and all.

What I am not a fan of, however, are reality shows that document the utterly uninteresting, thoroughly commonplace lives of people who happen to be wealthy.  I am of course referring to The Hills and all their spin-offs.  I don’t give a damn about the inter-gender drama going on in the local high school cafeteria .  Should I care about the same drama just because it’s happening in Beverly Hills?  This same “gawk at the rich” format afflicts “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.”  They spend hours talking about who’s cheating on whom, who’s been a bitch to whom, and who bought what with what credit card.  There is, however, one notable and disturbing difference.  The protagonists are moms.  Which means they have kids.  Which means they are not only making a circus of their own lives, they are also erasing any hope their children might have of staying out of rehab. Read the full story

Popularity: 30% [?]

-Kent-

I once had a friend whose list of life goals included amassing a fortune large enough to purchase MTV.  Having purchased it, he would hire the most despicable people he could find and fill the network’s airtime with debauchery and filth the likes of which have not been seen outside Vatican City cira 1500.  Now before you rush to include this friend in the ranks of my other midget-loving, smut-peddling buddies, let me explain.  The purpose of this parade of perversion was not to celebrate man’s sinfulness but rather to shock MTV’s viewing public with depravity and tastelessness so raw, so over the top that they could not help but wretch and repent.  In his mind, drastic measures of this kind were the only thing that could finally convince Americans to jump off their greased slide to Sodom before the brimstone starts falling.

Well, a brief stopover at MTV yesterday (on my way to the SOAP network for an afternoon of OC reruns) has led me to conclude that either he has achieved his goal much sooner than anticipated, or someone else has beaten him to it.  Mere words and apocalyptic imagery fail to express the depths to which MTV has sunk.  It depresses me more than a little when I consider that the tripe I witnessed might appeal to any target audience, except perhaps the Amish who are unfamiliar with television and therefore enthralled by moving images flashing in quick succession. Read the full story

Popularity: 31% [?]