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The Over-Analysis: Christian Knock-offs

Being a member of a youth group at Church will teach you a lot of things. You may (hopefully) learn about the Christian faith. You may learn about friendship, romance, or conflict resolution. Maybe you’ll even witness for the first time that yes, farts can indeed be ignited into flames (and it’s the funniest thing […]

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Congregational cage-fighting: A word on public prayer

Since the first century, the institute of communal prayer has been a foundational practice of Christendom. Ecumenical leaders have long relied on public prayer to encourage the body, explicate Biblical truth, and unite the church beneath a common language. Those of us who are not the sole Christian in our village/ethnic group/theater troupe, will – […]

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Short Term Missionaries Convert Entire Village

In addition to Nike, Coke, and George Bush the impoverished residents of Los Lopez, Nicaragua, can add “Oak Springs Baptist Church” to the list of English words that they know.  The reason?  Short term missions.  A team of twelve high school students from the suburban Kansas City church recently completed a week-long mission trip that […]

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School Boards Vote to Allow Thespian Dating

On the heels of the California Supreme Court’s controversial decision to allow gay couples get hotel rooms together, public school boards across the country have followed suit by lifting the longstanding dating restriction imposed on another justifiably marginalized sect of society, thespians. Thespian couples have long been kept apart by tyrannical, socially-adjusted administrators who feared […]

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Congregation demands timetable for withdrawal from missionary

OMAHA, NB (AP) – The congregants of Westside Presbyterian Church have had enough. For the past four years they have faithfully supported Operation Mobilization missionary Jack Powell in his mission to the Middle East, and for the past four years they have stood by him through botched church plants, poorly punctuated Bible translations, and aimlessly […]

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Satan: Yeah I Voted for Obama, Didn’t You?

Bonjour, Konnichiwa, and Hakuna Matata.  I trust you all are feeling sufficiently miserable during this preposterous holiday season.  I mean, for the love of David Koresh, what is all this day of thanks nonsense about anyway?  Seriously, do you people really have that much to be thankful for?  I can think of only three things: […]

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US Cuts Diplomatic Ties With Rest of World

WASHINGTON DC (AP) – In a shocking announcement yesterday, the United States of America announced that it is officially severing all ties with the rest of the world after nearly two and a half centuries of peaceful coexistence on the same planet. US officials cited egregious rudeness and worldwide ingratitude as primary reasons for the […]

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Satan: Animals are My Kind of People

Greetings and Salutations!  I trust you all are finding this interminable winter as joyless and bitter as I intended.  You’ll have to forgive me for the many weeks that have passed since my last post.  What can I say?  The holidays are a busy time for me.  If I’m not pounding eggnog and Bacardi by […]

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