If you haven’t heard the doomsday theories about 2012, you’re living under a rock. Or you’re Kent, who also didn’t know what the hell I was talking about when I pitched this article idea. Or maybe you’re living in a beautiful fantasy world, blissfully ignorant of all of the painfully stupid people that surround us. They’re everywhere, and they’re killing me.

So what is this whole 2012 thing, besides the premise to a new apocaplyptic Roland Emmerich film? Well, you’ve heard of the Mayans, right? Yeah, those people that sacrificed people in crazy ways in order to appease their gods. I know, I thought Benny Hinn was bad. Anyway, apparently these people were real legit astronomers or something. When they got bored with disemboweling people and cutting out their hearts while they were still alive, they made up this sweet calender that has a cycle that ends on December 21, 2012. No one knows how or why, except that it has something to do with the sun coming into alignment with the center of the Milky Way. My first thought was “that’s stupid, they didn’t have Milky Ways back then.” Turns out it’s even dumber than that. No one has any real justifications about why they think that the end of this Mayan cycle signals doom, death, and destruction. Seriously. It’s just when the cycle ends, and people have interpreted that as meaning Mother Earth is finally going to get fed up with us crapping on her all the time and is just going to explode or something. I feel like I remember another ominous date that spawned lots of doomsday talk. And lots of end of the world movies? Hmmm… Seems pretty recent. What was that? Read the full story

Popularity: 58% [?]