I started a similar “article” when I was a junior or senior in high school, I think for some kind of bootlegged school newspaper or something. Back then, though, I was afraid that the subject matter – that of hating obese children – would be offensive to people, so I never finished it or submitted it. Unfortunately I am unable to track the original down now.

Luckily for you guys, though, I still hate fat children but, unlike before, I no longer worry about offending anyone. Hurray!

You’ve seen fat children before. I don’t mean fat 15 year olds. I don’t even mean fat 12 year olds. I mean fat 6 year olds. Porky little fatsos, gobbling down chocolate bars and Puffy Cheetos so quickly you’d think it was a contest to get some Miley Cyrus 3D tickets. It’s not a contest though, they’re just eating. They’re probably not even hungry. Just munching on some grub just, ya know, because. Read the full story

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