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Things That Would Upset Me Less Than Seeing Brett Favre Play For the Minnesota Vikings

Too horrible for words

Too horrible for words

  • Getting fired
  • Getting cheated on
  • Getting set on fire
  • Getting stabbed with a Swiss Army knife
  • Being single at 35
  • Amputation of up to three limbs
  • Forcible, involuntary gender-reassignment surgery
  • Complete melting of the polar ice caps
  • Selling Texas back to Mexico
  • Riding a Greyhound bus from Gary, Indiana, to Memphis by way of East St. Louis
  • Four hours on an airplane sitting between a 7-year-old who has just discovered Yo-Gi-Oh and a 17-year-old who has just discovered Nietzsche
  • Finding out Tiger Woods not only uses steroids, but also loves dog fighting and routinely kills people outside Baltimore nightclubs
  • Finding out Mr. Rogers was gay
  • Seeing Kelly Osbourne naked
  • President Al Gore
  • A mediocre LOST series finale
  • High School Musical 4: The College Years
  • A Destiny’s Child reunion tour
  • A Chinese invasion of Los Angeles
  • Brett Favre dying

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