Based on what I’ve heard from Him in His campaign, I’ve written a potential speech for Barack Obama. I’ve tried to mold my language to His, fitting within His various doctrines. I hope it inspires you the way it has inspired me.
(Waving for silence amongst the cheers of faithful followers)
Ladies and Gentlemen, Brothers and Sisters, My fellow (loyally following) Americans:
When I was a child, I had something that I’m not sure children today have anymore. You know what that is? Hope. I’m just not sure children today know what Hope really is. You know what I hoped for as a child on the South Side of Chicago? Change. I Hoped for Change. One might wonder what kind of Change I was Hoping for as a child on the South Side of Chicago, an area that is historically poor and relatively unsafe; I Hoped for a Change that I could Believe in. That’s what I’m here to talk to you about, my American Brothers and Sisters, my friends, my Believers. I’m here to talk to you about Hope.
We need to have Hope as a country. We’ve had eight years of Hopelessness. It’s time to taste that sweet nectar of Hope, Hope that will eventually culminate in Change. That’s something we can Believe in, isn’t it? Are you Believers? I think you are. This isn’t Hope for the rich. This isn’t Hope for the CEO’s. No, this is Hope for The Middle Class. This is Hope that 95% of America can Believe in. I’m just like you, Ladies and Gentlemen. I lived a Middle Class life, a life I know you understand. You know who else was a regular guy? Jesus. I’m just a normal, regular Middle Class guy from the South Side of Chicago that Believes in a Hope for Change – just like Jesus might be if He were here right now. Just a regular guy that has attended some of America’s finest educational institutions. You know what they taught me? They taught me to Believe in Change. They sewed Hope into the very essence of my soul – my very normal, South Side of Chicago Middle Class soul.
And not just any, plain Hope. No, this is Hope that Changes. Hope that Changes Beliefs; Hope that inspires one to Believe in Change. That, my Friends – That is why I’m running for the Office of President of the World- er… – the United States of America. I’ve come to save us from eight years of an administration that doesn’t Believe in Change, that doesn’t know how to Hope for a Belief that Changes. I’ve come to save this Nation because I Believe that You can Believe in Hope. I Believe that We can Believe again in our Nation, a Nation of Change, a Nation of Hope, a Nation that Believes, and most of all A Nation That Dreams. Do you Believe in the American Dream? I know I do.
I don’t Believe in this because of the Rich CEO’s from all of these companies that led to this Economic Disaster, these Rich CEO’s that the current Administration pandered to. No Sir, not me. The Hope that I Believe can Change our Nation is the Hope of the 95% – the same group that I will not tax. I will not change your taxes one cent. But those Rich CEO’s, those are the people that can afford to get Taxed. And I Believe that we can Change our Nation by Taxing the Rich and spreading The Wealth – Also Known As The Hope – around to the poor, the 95%. That’s what I Believe in, Ladies and Gentlemen. Do you Believe? Are you Believers? Are you Hoping? Do you Believe in Hope? Do you want Change? Or do you just want more of the same?
I’m Barack Obama, and I’ll make every decision you wish Bush had made.
We here at TTM don’t generally like to do any kind of political commentary or satire – not because we don’t have opinions, but because it’s kind of overdone. In this situation, however, I just couldn’t resist. This is just ripe for the picking.