Harmless Hobby or Predatory Pastime: A word on “People Watching”
Look at her sitting there, just popping her Bubblicious Gum (probably pink lemonade flavor, her favorite and mine), coyly twirling her fingers through her hair, while she waits to board her flight to Omaha. No wedding band. About my age. Definitely within the...
Review: Wendy’s is the best food I have ever tasted and I never want to eat anywhere else
By Will Grazer – TTM Food Critic Dude, drive faster, drive faster! There it is! Don’t miss the turn!! OH YEAH!!!!!!! I FREAKING LOVE WEDNESDAYS!!! Right. Wendy’s. What’d I say? Oh. Well, all I’m sayin is…Wait…wait…hold on a sec, I wanna, I wanna say something……wait…is...
5.62: A word on scientific standards of sex-appeal
Like most guys out there, I consider it my God-given duty as a man to bring some objectivity to the world of physical attraction and sex-appeal. If you ask the average male (i.e. me), he’ll tell you there are far too many emotional, inexact terms like “cute,”...
It’s Always Darkest Before the Dawn: A Word on Cliches
John F. Kennedy did a lot of terrible things in his short presidency. Marilyn Monroe being one of them, sending the country on a futile, multi-billion dollar goose chase to outer space being another. Yet of all the things I am pissed at him for, one stands...
An Open Letter to the Assembled Law Enforcement Officers of the Various States I Have Visited or Resided in
Good evening officers and officerettes, I think you will all agree when I say that something has gone terribly awry in this relationship. Over the past six years, I have had impromptu and involuntary rendezvous with nearly all of you. These little get-togethers...
Chocolate Milk and Cheesy Puffs: A Word on Grocery Shopping
If there were any lingering doubts regarding my unfitness for independent living, a quick survey of my monthly grocery bill should quickly put them to rest. Of course, one can’t really review my bill because I don’t keep receipts and am still unfamiliar with the...
Satan: Animals are My Kind of People
Greetings and Salutations! I trust you all are finding this interminable winter as joyless and bitter as I intended. You’ll have to forgive me for the many weeks that have passed since my last post. What can I say? The holidays are a busy time for me. If I’m not...
It’s Never a Good Idea to Quote Movies During an RDT
(Author’s Note: For those of you who did not attend a Christian College, an “RDT” is an acronym for a Relationship Defining Talk.) Local Starbucks barista, Joshua Anderson’s dreams of Valentine’s Day bliss were crushed Monday evening in what observers are calling “the...
25 Random Facts About Me – By Big Bird
Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about...
Feeding the Hate: A Word on Effective Internet Marketing
Life at The Talking Mirror has been good the last couple weeks. More people are visiting the site, fewer viruses are infiltrating our computers, and several studios have already expressed interest in TTM: The 3D Movie Experience. This is both exciting and unsettling...
Human Nature 101: Notes and observations on Life from a Retail Manager
I have long suspected that college was one big, $120,000 racket, and the fact that I have learned more about The Human Condition in eight months at a cash register than I ever did in a Philosophy class gives credence to this suspicion. In an effort to spare you from...
An Apology to a Bride Following a Bachelor Party That Got Out of Hand
Hey there! Wow! Look at you! You look ravishing! Have I told you that you look ravishing? Well you do! Am I even supposed to see you before the wedding? I don’t know! What’s that? Last night? What about it? Oh. Right. Funny you should bring that up. Well...