If I wrote an article but no one was there to read it, would it still be incredibly witty, and insightful?

We are all well acquainted with the age old query regarding the sound displacement of the proverbial felled tree in the forest that is lacking in witnesses. While Kant and the lumberjacks could doubtless talk for days about the empirical and epistemological implications of this hypothetical event, I am interested in it for reasons beyond […]

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Please, if there is a merciful bone anywhere in your body, just split the check for us

Of all the awful, unforgivable things a waiter can say to me (i.e. “Unfortunately, we’re all out of meatloaf.” “We don’t have Dr. Pepper, is Mr. Pibb okay?” “We don’t serve your kind.”) unquestionably the most abhorrent is some rendition of the following: “I’m sorry, we can’t split dinner checks.” My heart sinks, my eyes […]

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Congregational cage-fighting: A word on public prayer

Since the first century, the institute of communal prayer has been a foundational practice of Christendom. Ecumenical leaders have long relied on public prayer to encourage the body, explicate Biblical truth, and unite the church beneath a common language. Those of us who are not the sole Christian in our village/ethnic group/theater troupe, will – […]

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Unwanted fetus escapes from mother’s womb

A tiny, hominid-like creature became a national icon this past week after fleeing the uterine prison of its unloving mother. The yet-to-be-named human fetus apparently escaped between two and three a.m. Thursday morning, and has been in hiding ever since. The halfling’s former carrier, Brooklyn waitress Alison Hooper, shed some light on why the fetus […]

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Swing This: A Word on Undecided Voters

Thus far, this site has made an effort to entirely ignore the interminable popularity contest that is the 2008 Presidential Election. Part of this is out of deference to our thousands (millions?) of international readers who have little interest in democracy. Part of this is because we lack the cognitive capacity to fully comprehend what […]

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