Balls to the Wall: A Word on Health Insurance
Can I talk to you for five minutes about health care? Last night, while I was trying to find Frankie Muniz’s E! True Hollywood Story, I accidentally stumbled upon MSNBC and was deeply disturbed by what I found there. If Keith Olbermann and the channel’s other...
Apocalypse Soon: A Word on California (Part 1)
Can I talk to you for five minutes about California, or, to quote 30 Rock’s Jack Donaghy, The Gaypublic of Drugifornia? There was once a dream that was California. You could only whisper it. Anything more than a whisper and it would vanish… it was so fragile. At the...
Road Rage: A Word on Liberal Bumper Stickers
Can I talk to you for five minutes about liberal bumper stickers? Actually, I just want to talk about one. I’ve only asked for five minutes of your time so I’ll have to save “Not my President”, “Meat is Murder”, and “The blood of New Orleans is on Republican hands”...
The Second Chapter of Luke: Reinterpreted for 2010
In those days a decree went out from the Department of Commerce, in accordance with a constitutional mandate, that a census should be taken of the entire American world. This was the first census to take place when Arnold was Governator of California. And all went...
Celebrity Politics: A Letter of Intervention
Dear Every Celebrity Ever, I’m writing on behalf of all of the civilians of the United States and – dare I say – the Entire Mother Earth. You know how you always feel the need to voice your opinion on politics? You know how you somehow feel original by making some...
Some News in Review – The Dumb York Times
I’ve heard a lot of crap about The New York Times being biased toward the “left” side of things. I usually don’t pay attention to that, really. I don’t live in New York and I don’t care about their Times. This article, however, has me fully convinced that The New York...
Believe in Hope for Change
Based on what I’ve heard from Him in His campaign, I’ve written a potential speech for Barack Obama. I’ve tried to mold my language to His, fitting within His various doctrines. I hope it inspires you the way it has inspired me. (Waving for silence amongst the cheers...
Joe the Moron Under Represented
As you all know very well, The Talking Mirror is a well respected news organization trusted by millions. That burden weighs heavily on our shoulders, so when we see injustice in the way other supposed “news” organizations are covering the upcoming election we feel...
My God, The Whole World’s Off It’s Rocker
Whenever we find ourselves in the midst of a changing regime, and a collapsing civilization, we at TTM turn to a trusted adviser and valued friend from our university days. Facing a future where everything – including future itself – is uncertain, it is comforting to...
Satan: I’ve got GM’s Bailout Right Here
Hey guys. The devil here. Just got done smoking some Camels with Tom Cruise and L. Ron Hubbard. We were talking, and Tom said something that really resonated with me: “You know the world is going to hell in a handbasket when companies are begging the government for...
Pet Peeves for the Common Man – Nanny States
Smoking in Bars I put “part one” in this title because I’m sure I’ll find some other issue that fits under the “Nanny State” title that defies all logic and good sense. For now, however, we’re only going to traverse the rocky crag that is “smoking in bars.” Now I...
2012: The Year of the Dumbass
If you haven’t heard the doomsday theories about 2012, you’re living under a rock. Or you’re Kent, who also didn’t know what the hell I was talking about when I pitched this article idea. Or maybe you’re living in a beautiful fantasy world, blissfully ignorant of all...