I’ve heard a lot of crap about The New York Times being biased toward the “left” side of things. I usually don’t pay attention to that, really. I don’t live in New York and I don’t care about their Times. This article, however, has me fully convinced that The New York Times isn’t biased toward the left side, but rather the dumb as hell side.
It’s an article from their “Style and Fashion” section about dudes that love cats. Single dudes that love cats, more specifically. Contrary to stereotypes of single straight men with cats, the article attempts to portray these cat loving dudes as completely legit, secure, pillars of masculinity. They begin their exposition by giving us the example of a 37 year old guy who lives alone with his cat who loves video games and comics. He also ended his relationship with a woman because she was allergic to cats. He refers to his cat by saying “she’s my primary relationship.” Ladies, are you sold yet? Yeah, this guy is the man.
They then go on to quote a lady who makes a correlation between liking cats and being more highly evolved. It’s these less evolved “members of the species,” she says, that tend to abusing cats, women, and children. She must be some kind of evolutionary psychologist right? Some kind of expert on men, evolution, and animal preferences? “Definitely not!” says The New York Times, “We’d rather quote the founder of Petsweekly.com, a Ms. Stacy Mantle who owns a modest 18 cats.” Notice that she’s Ms. Mantle. They quote a cat lady about men. Real legit, NYT. Solid gold.
They go on to quote a survey that asked readers if real men owned cats or not. A whopping 84 percent said yes. Wow, impressive right? I mean, that’s a lot of percents. One of the respondents even went as far as to say “Only intelligent, aware, caring men love cats.” Dang, that cuts us dog lovers deep. I don’t love cats, I must be stupid, oblivious and selfish. Where did that survey come from, anyway? Oh, that makes sense. It came from Petplace.com. Who the hell responds to surveys on Petplace.com? Probably the same kind of people that start websites like Petsweekly.com. That’s right. Cat ladies.
Admittedly the article isn’t completely serious, perhaps a little tongue-in-cheek. The writer (a woman, surprise!) doesn’t seem to be attempting to make real scientific correlations about pet preferences – she even states that there aren’t any real statistics to base any judgments on. But she does quote statements like this over and over again: “Straight men with cats seem to be really secure and stable. They don’t need to be running around the park and proving their masculinity like the dog guys.” Right. Because that’s why “dog guys” run around the park with their dogs. It’s not for exercise, stress relief, or just because they like it. It’s because they’re insecure, unstable, and feel the need to prove their masculinity by running in a park with a dog. Fantastic logic.
And yeah, it seems from this article that straight men with cats are super secure and stable. So secure and stable, in fact, that they live alone with their cats. They’ve got nothing to prove. They’re secure. Alone and secure. And masculine. Don’t forget that part. Please God don’t forget that part.
Cool guys. You hang out with your cats, all secure and manly or whatever. I’m going to go hang out with my dog, wallow in my crippling insecurity, and then go and talk to girls. Try not to pity me too much.