Before we begin, let me warn you that this is another one of those articles. You know, the ones where Kent says, “Hey, you know how everyone always says something like this____? Well, wouldn’t it be funny if we used that format to say a bunch of ridiculous things that sound similar? Hahaha! What a gas!” If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you can read this one and this one. I feel like I do a lot of articles like this, but whatever, I’ve got nothing else going right now and I care too much about you people to not give you something. To not publish anything would be an unconscionable affront to my high and righteous calling, and I won’t do it. I love freedom too much to do that.
So here it is. You ever heard someone ask, “What came first the chicken or the egg?” Of course you have. It’s like the “Thong Song” of stupid questions. Everyone has heard it. Popular though it may be, I’ve never cared much for this question or the banal debates that inevitably follow. This probably means I didn’t smoke enough weed in college. It’s not entirely without merit, though. While I have no interest in chickens or eggs that are not on their way into my mouth, the concept of interchangeable origins raised by this question can be fun to think about – if you’re into that kind of thing. I most definitely am. Here’s me thinking about it:
What comes first poor hygiene or bachelorhood?
What comes first crack dealers or high-rise apartments?
What came first the masters in Art History or the unemployment?
Who came first deaf people or Fall Out Boy?
What came first alcoholism or cubicles?
What came first Wal-Mart or poor people?
What came first sexism or The View?
What came first depression or Little Caesar’s Hot and Readys?
What comes first the Busch Light or the urine?
Well, I’ve been sitting here for 45 minutes and a 10th one isn’t coming to me. I’m going to bed. Feel free to round out the list if you can think of anything.