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Unwanted fetus escapes from mother’s womb

A tiny, hominid-like creature became a national icon this past week after fleeing the uterine prison of its unloving mother. The yet-to-be-named human fetus apparently escaped between two and three a.m. Thursday morning, and has been in hiding ever since. The halfling’s former carrier, Brooklyn waitress Alison Hooper, shed some light on why the fetus […]

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Short Term Missionaries Convert Entire Village

In addition to Nike, Coke, and George Bush the impoverished residents of Los Lopez, Nicaragua, can add “Oak Springs Baptist Church” to the list of English words that they know.  The reason?  Short term missions.  A team of twelve high school students from the suburban Kansas City church recently completed a week-long mission trip that […]

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Congregation demands timetable for withdrawal from missionary

OMAHA, NB (AP) – The congregants of Westside Presbyterian Church have had enough. For the past four years they have faithfully supported Operation Mobilization missionary Jack Powell in his mission to the Middle East, and for the past four years they have stood by him through botched church plants, poorly punctuated Bible translations, and aimlessly […]

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The More, The Married: A Word on Polygamy

Well, another year has passed and the time has come once again for us to commemorate the brutality of the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre by stuffing our faces with chocolate, going on high-pressure dates, and skipping work to watch The Notebook eight times in a row.  Hearing this, you may be surprised to learn that […]

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Where The Ladies At: A Word on Church Hopping

Two months ago, after nearly three years of semi-monogamous partnership, I parted ways with the Anglican church I have attended since my Junior year of college.  It was an amicable separation accompanied by none of the status updates, bitter texts, and Hallmark-fueled bonfires that so often color my breakups.  I felt that each of us […]

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God Writes “The Richard Dawkins Delusion”

The Lord God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, announced yesterday that final edits have been completed on his much anticipated second work of non-fiction.  The Richard Dawkins Delusion – God’s first foray into the world of literature in nearly 2,000 years – is a spirited and often hilarious rebuttal of Richard Dawkins’ 2006 bestseller […]

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Writing Contemporary Worship Music: A Webinar

You’ve got a problem.  You feel the Lord calling you to a career as a chart-topping, face-shredding rock star, but you feel guilty about the sex, drugs, and sex that inevitably accompany super stardom.  Your solution?  Become a worship leader!  Get the groupies, the Facebook fanpages, and the all-you-can-drink booze buffets you’ve always wanted while […]

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