The More, The Married: A Word on Polygamy
Well, another year has passed and the time has come once again for us to commemorate the brutality of the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre by stuffing our faces with chocolate, going on high-pressure dates, and skipping work to watch The Notebook eight times in a row. ...
Where The Ladies At: A Word on Church Hopping
Two months ago, after nearly three years of semi-monogamous partnership, I parted ways with the Anglican church I have attended since my Junior year of college. It was an amicable separation accompanied by none of the status updates, bitter texts, and Hallmark-fueled...
God Writes “The Richard Dawkins Delusion”
The Lord God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, announced yesterday that final edits have been completed on his much anticipated second work of non-fiction. The Richard Dawkins Delusion – God’s first foray into the world of literature in nearly 2,000 years – is a...
Writing Contemporary Worship Music: A Webinar
You’ve got a problem. You feel the Lord calling you to a career as a chart-topping, face-shredding rock star, but you feel guilty about the sex, drugs, and sex that inevitably accompany super stardom. Your solution? Become a worship leader! Get the groupies, the...
Feeding the Hate: A Word on Effective Internet Marketing
Life at The Talking Mirror has been good the last couple weeks. More people are visiting the site, fewer viruses are infiltrating our computers, and several studios have already expressed interest in TTM: The 3D Movie Experience. This is both exciting and unsettling...
Human Nature 101: Notes and observations on Life from a Retail Manager
I have long suspected that college was one big, $120,000 racket, and the fact that I have learned more about The Human Condition in eight months at a cash register than I ever did in a Philosophy class gives credence to this suspicion. In an effort to spare you from...
A Food Critic Takes his Family to Hooters
The world of reasonably priced, family-friendly restaurants has long been regarded by its trendier, Zagat-rated cousins as a soulless, post-apocalyptic wasteland devoid of decent food and recently laundered silk tablecloths. This has been one of the great...
An Apology to a Bride Following a Bachelor Party That Got Out of Hand
Hey there! Wow! Look at you! You look ravishing! Have I told you that you look ravishing? Well you do! Am I even supposed to see you before the wedding? I don’t know! What’s that? Last night? What about it? Oh. Right. Funny you should bring that up. Well...
I Have Some Dreams: A Word on Growing Up
Like most young men not currently employed as astronauts, ambulance drivers, or dinosaur hunters, I have had to revise the dreams of my boyhood. While I once lamented this abandonment of my youthful fantasies, I now realize it was a necessary process as my post-9/11...
The Progression of Laws to Govern Kissing in a Christian Relationship
There is to be no kissing until the wedding day. There is to be no kissing until we’re sure we could see ourselves marrying each other. Kissing is officially sanctioned as long as it is not too noisy and not in the style of the French. The style of the French is...
Idea Born After 14 Hours of Painful Brainstorming
A new idea was welcomed into the world yesterday after 14 hours of excruciating, intellectual labor. The idea, which popped out of area researcher Jenny Archer at 4:14 pm on Monday, March 14, represents the culmination of nearly nine months of cranial incubation and...
Satan: Making Sense of The Madness
A fine Wednesday to you all! I must beg your pardon for my surly demeanor this morning. Mr. Patrick’s holiday started early and ended late yesterday (we don’t believe in saints down here, but we sure do believe in Dr. Jameson, Rev. Guinness, and Sarg. Baileys). ...