The King of Douche Bags: Carson Daly Facts

The King of Douche Bags: Carson Daly Facts

Anyone of my friends will tell you, I’ve hated Carson Daly for a long time. Years. Ever since he brought his doucheyness to national fruition on what has unarguably become America’s incubator for “celebrities” that are actually just awful, skanky people: MTV. If...
How to Cope with Being Bad with Women: A Guide

How to Cope with Being Bad with Women: A Guide

Let’s get one thing straight from the get-go: this guide isn’t written from personal experience. I am from Texas and Kent is from Texas’ attic (also known as Oklahoma) and everybody knows people south of the Mason-Dixon line are born with a certain charm that the...
To “Sober Guy,” Respectfully

To “Sober Guy,” Respectfully

To Whom it May Concern: Recently I attended a birthday celebration at an establishment aimed at people over the age of 21. You may call it a “bar,” a “club,” or even a “house of ill repute.” Admittedly the third moniker isn’t completely accurate as the “transactions”...
To “Drunk Guy,” a Retort

To “Drunk Guy,” a Retort

Dear Sir/Madame, Having received your objectionably accusatory, alcohol-soaked correspondence nearly a week ago today, I have thus seen it fit to provide you with a declarative defense, to be presented to you before the scrutinous gaze of the benevolent public, or,...

Pet Peeves for the Common Man: I Could Care Less

There are a plethora of colloquialisms that have burrowed their way into our common language like some kind of horrifying parasite. And there are many language abusers to blame, from Paris Hilton to Snoop Dogg, popularizing these vile forms of verbal vomit via various...