Recent Grad Runs Out of College Stories

by | Oct 16, 2016 | Culture

CHARLESTON (AP) – Local 3rd grade teacher and 2007 college graduate Chad Thompson was quite literally speechless last weekend when he came to the shocking realization that he had exhausted his store of collegiate anecdotes. Witnesses report that Thompson had just...

Local Female Finally Named “One of the Guys”

by | Oct 16, 2016 | Nonsense

WHEATON (AP) – The Talking Mirror has received word that after three years of platonic male friendships, local college junior Sandra Williams is finally “one of the guys.”  Sandra received the long-awaited news last week in the form of a flatulent emission made in her...

The Prayer of Jabizzy

by | Oct 16, 2016 | Religion

Wilkinson Targets “Snoop Dogg” Market with The Prayer of Jabizzy The marketing blitz for The Prayer of Jabizzy, the latest installment in Bruce Wilkinson’s “BreakThrough” book series, began last week when Christian stores across the nation were flooded with posters of...

How to Cope with Having a Tramp Stamp: A Guide

by | Oct 16, 2016 | Nonsense

So you have a tramp stamp. College is crazy, right? People do crazy things in college. Tramp stampy things. You might have been inebriated. You might have had some “liberated” friends that told you that you needed to “liberate” yourself with “ancient tribal body art”...