“I like that title, by the way. George Bush, you know, is the decider. I ...
Americans have quietly shivered through the last 21 months of election coverage waiting on a ...
This article was published by the good people over at The Big Jewel. If you ...
Few things this side of Kanye West can inspire within Americans the wrath and righteous ...
I started a similar “article” when I was a junior or senior in high school, ...
Have you ever taken a dump that the toilet just couldn’t seem to choke down? I feel like that toilet when I’m forced to listen to Jason Mraz’s scattin’, be-boppin’, skiddlywink warbling. I could be anywhere–walking down the street, in my grandmother’s car, at the TJMaxx– when my ears are suddenly spewed upon. It’s funny […]
Americans don’t like community. In fact, given the opportunity, they’ll destroy it quicker than Nancy Pelosi can change her wig (cf. Wal-Mart, Mega-churches, the Reservation system, etc). It stands to reason then, that ever since ole Dwight D. “Greatest Generation” Eisenhower cut the ribbon on the National System of Interstate and Defense Highways, the automobile […]
Christmas comes but once a year, now it’s here, now it’s here. Christmas comes but once a year, tra la la la la. The arrival of the holiday season brings with it that most venerable of American institutions– the mall Santa Claus. After enjoying decades of favorable public opinion, the mall Santa Claus has recently […]
Written by Zac Chastain But deep in the darkness, the hateful heart beats on. The beast was wounded, but still its veins coursed with ink-black blood. While we sat licking ice cream cones and riding merri-go-rounds through the summer months, fattening ourselves on a deluded sense of safety, the monster regained itself. Pound for pound, […]
Written by Zac Chastain For those of you unfortunate enough to have missed out on the earlier parts of the story and too damn lazy to read them, a summary: Basically our two cleverly named heroes Zac and Conor thought they had defeated Ugg Boots once and for all, and then them bitches came back […]
Written by Zac Chastain Wanna talk about I Wanna talk about number one Oh my me my Haha love that song. SO, 25 things about me. Love it bitchezzzzz: 1. When I was in seventh grade, a few friends and I were on a girl scout’s camping trip in the Adirondacks. I had a .22 […]
Written by Zac Chastain [CAMERA directly front of Les. Time: 6:30PM] So. It’s day six. Only one more night until I’m finished with Papua New Guinea, and with the Survivorman project as a whole. I haven’t had a meal in five days and the creek water has given me alternating bouts of diarrhea and vomiting […]
As a fairly uncool, suburban white boy with only the required minimum of minority friends, I am at times awe-struck and at times terrified of the shameless cultural whore that is hip-hop “music.” The ballers, the shot-callers, the grills, the Benjamins, the dudes named “Lil,” perplex me and unsettle me more than a little. But […]
This upcoming month will mark the fourth anniversary of my tumultuous entrenchment in the ecumenical costume party known as the Anglican Church. Our relationship has been a bit quarrelsome at times, but it seems we have finally settled into a state of amicable acceptance. I enjoy the thinly veiled Catholicism, the man-dresses, and the free […]
Since most Christian young people are still Biblically forbidden from having sex, we are often forced to be satisfied by the next best thing, i.e. talking about it incessantly. Endless conversations swirl around titillating issues like: how awesome it will be, how often it will be, and, most importantly, how much can we get away […]