by Kent Woodyard | Oct 16, 2016 | Nonsense
Like most young men not currently employed as astronauts, ambulance drivers, or dinosaur hunters, I have had to revise the dreams of my boyhood. While I once lamented this abandonment of my youthful fantasies, I now realize it was a necessary process as my post-9/11...
by Kent Woodyard | Oct 16, 2016 | Nonsense
A new idea was welcomed into the world yesterday after 14 hours of excruciating, intellectual labor. The idea, which popped out of area researcher Jenny Archer at 4:14 pm on Monday, March 14, represents the culmination of nearly nine months of cranial incubation and...
by Kent Woodyard | Oct 16, 2016 | Nonsense
23 is apparently a pretty good year to be alive. Over the past twelve months, 23 year-olds have won Grammies, been nominated for Oscars, and collected Olympic gold medals. They were drafted to professional sports teams, they parlayed sophomoric Youtube videos into...
by Kent Woodyard | Oct 16, 2016 | Nonsense
WHEATON (AP) – The Talking Mirror has received word that after three years of platonic male friendships, local college junior Sandra Williams is finally “one of the guys.” Sandra received the long-awaited news last week in the form of a flatulent emission made in her...
by Kent Woodyard | Oct 16, 2016 | Nonsense
There has been another minor victory in my ongoing war to increase TTM’s interests in foreign lands. McSweeney’s has published another of my moderately humorous pieces. Some see this as a shameful betrayal of my matrimonial vows to The Talking Mirror. I see it as...
by Kent Woodyard | Oct 16, 2016 | Nonsense
Gaze upon my beauty and tremble, oh fallen humanity! Look down on my naked form writhing in this sink you call a bathtub and ponder my immeasurable capacity for good or evil. I am all that you are not, all that you once were, and all that you most fear. I am the...
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